Mixtapes and Cheerleaders
by because of the eyepatch
Summary: Anderberry siblings & Cheerio!Kurt AU - Blaine is in love with one of his best friends. This best friend is Kurt. Queue heartache and confusion with the occasional dose of fluffy flashbacks. Also Rachel thinks she knows everything... & maybe she does.
1. Chapter 1

**_A/N: SO this would be my first non-drabble fic. I realise I'm super later to the Cheerio!Kurt and Anderberry siblings AU's but HEY I like writing them so so be it~_**

**_Rating is for later chapters, this one is basically just a lot of ~feelings~ (it may go up in the future though, I'm really not sure)._**

**_Honestly can't think of what I should be writing here, so I'll let you get onto the fic. Feel free to review (and by 'feel free' I mean 'I might flail and die so please do') and pick out any horrible typos and grammar eff ups, I'm too afraid to venture into the world of betas just yet..._**

**_Disclaimer: Anything you recognise isn't mine._**

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><p>"So, we're getting coffee after school today, right?" Kurt said as he slid into the seat next to Blaine, putting down an apple onto the table with one hand and fiddling with his phone with the other.<p>

_I told myself I would do it today,_ Blaine reminded himself, glancing up at Kurt and bitting his bottom lip, _now or never, now or never._

He was shaking. Not enough to be obvious but enough that it felt to Blaine like there was an earthquake, like he couldn't control his own body and at any second it might smash into a million pieces. Somehow this urged him on.

"Yeah, of course, if you still want to." Blaine said, meeting Kurt's eyes. He felt sick. He just wanted to kiss him but he was one of his best friends and they would probably never be best friends after this, not the way they were at this moment.

Kurt smiled and turned to his phone. The break in eye contact helped Blaine remember the words he had been practicing in the mirror for so long.

"Kurt, I have to tell you something." Blaine closed his eyes, but he knew Kurt was looking at him again. "It's just something I have to say."

Blaine felt Kurt's hand soft and cautious on his shoulder. "What is it, Blaine? Tell me," Kurt's voice cooed.

Kurt's mind was screaming no. _No, no, don't tell me. I don't want you to say it, please don't say it_-

"I love you."

Blaine took in a long breath and opened his eyes finally, if only to look at his hands. He felt relieved, so_ incredibly_ relieved. He'd said it, he'd told him. God, was he smiling? _I must look so stupid right now_, Blaine thought, but couldn't seem to care. Words were flowing easily from him now. "I love you as more than a friend. I love you, Kurt. I – I want you, I guess that's what I'm trying to say. Yeah." His voice was so shaky but he was so happy. A weak laugh escaped him. To hear the words and know Kurt was hearing them to! He had finally, _finally_, told the truth. He thought he might faint with the giddy rush that went through him.

Then he looked at Kurt.

They were under the bright lights of the cafeteria yet his face seemed dark. His eyes were furtive as he looked from his phone to his fellow Cheerios in the distance, as they laughed and imitated something Rachel had done.

Blaine hadn't noticed when Kurt had withdrew his hand from his shoulder and brought it tightly around himself.

"Kurt?" Blaine asked, his voice small. He _felt_ small, so very small compared to how he had half a moment ago.

"I think I have Cheerios practice. I can't do coffee today." Kurt stood up, "I'll – I'll see you around."

"No – Kurt – Wait, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Blaine cried, his hands reaching out after Kurt as he slinked out of his seat and towards the door.

Blaine felt hot tears spilling forth from his eyes before he knew it was going to happen. The lump in his throat felt so large and painful he thought he would choke. The sickness came back to his stomach. He wanted to slap himself, he wanted to scream. He wanted to run after Kurt and make him understand. He loved him, he loved him. Oh… but now he hated him too. He hated himself and he hated Kurt because his heart was _physically_ hurting. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't see anything for his tears. He clutched at his chest and his begged for the pain to go away. _I hate him_, he thought,_ why did he just walk away like that? How can he do this to me? I hate him._

Just when he thought he really was never going to be able to draw breath again he felt arms around him, not Kurt's, he could tell instantly, but Rachel's. Hearing slowly came back to him as soon as he realised he'd lost it. "Shhh, Blaine, come on, let's go," he heard her hum to him soothingly, "I'm taking you home. We'll have hot chocolate and watch Bring It On, your favourite."

Thankfully his legs were moving underneath him although he wasn't sure how he was controlling them. Blinking through his teary eyes he saw people staring. Rachel kept yelling at them to make way. But none of them were Kurt and Blaine wasn't sure if he was still awake.

Kurt sat in his car, the most private place he thought to flee to, with his head in his hands. _Why why why why why?_ He chanted in his head, as if the repetition would work as a spell and undo what had been done. Why had he encouraged him to talk, why had he said '_Tell me_' like that? He didn't want to know. Oh, who was he kidding? He already knew. He'd known since summer. He didn't know when the suspicions had started but he had been sure when Blaine had told him, one drunken night at the Anderson-Berry household, that _"you know, I don't think I can date anyone because you, Kurt, you are just too perfect and no one will ever compare"_.

Still, knowing and being told are completely different things. Now he was expected to react, to say something, to... love him back. This wasn't like that summer night where he could just laugh and say _"I'm one lucky boy then, aren't I? I get to have you all to myself. And you're pretty perfect yourself, by the way"_.

But now everything was ruined and they couldn't be those perfect friends anymore. Kurt couldn't fall asleep with Blaine on the couch and snuggle into him and feel so, so safe, especially knowing there wasn't anything expected of him, knowing that Blaine would never ask anything of him.

But today Blaine had broken that and he was asking – yelling really, it seemed to Kurt – "_So, you know I'm in love with you. Now what do you think?_"

It was the one question Kurt never wanted to answer.

When the tears had finally stopped falling from Blaine's eyes he had become silent. He was cocooned within a blanket and staring emotionless at the television as he held the mug of hot chocolate limply in his hand. Rachel, curled up next to her brother, watched him worriedly.

"Why don't you drink your ho cho?"

Blaine stirred, as if he had been somewhere else. He blinked at Rachel and then at his drink, and brought it to his lips. He took a sip and jerked back from it.

"Too hot," he said flatly.

Rachel sighed. This was not her brother she was looking at, this was a broken shell of him. The sight tore at her heart in a way that made her acutely aware of how much empathy she was actually capable of, and it kind of hurt. "Here, I'll blow on it for you. It'll be cool soon enough." She took the mug from his hands.

Blaine seemed to notice the movie they were watching for the first time. Startled, he grabbed for the remote.

"What are you doing?"

"I don't want to watch this." He muttered glumly.

"But it's your favourite! You've told me so at least a thousand times."

"Do you even know what this movie is about? Cheerleaders, Rachel. Cheerleaders and a relationship between the main character and the best friend's brother. Don't make me watch it. Why did you think it was my favourite in the first place?"

"Oh. Oh! I'm – I'm so sorry, I didn't realise – we can watch something else. How – how about Hairspray? You said you liked Zac Efron!"

Blaine looked tired and beaten but he smiled a little at his sister's empathy. It wasn't everyday you got to see Rachel tripping over herself for someone else. "Yeah, Hairspray, okay."

She handed him back his mug and got up to change the DVD. When Blaine seemed to be paying attention to the movie she said something about ice cream and excused herself to the kitchen. Once she was alone she got out her phone and quickly texted Kurt: _Are you okay? Will you be at glee club practice today?_

It was only a few moments until he responded and Rachel took that as a sign he wasn't paying attention in class.

_I don't know and I don't know_

Rachel huffed and went through her contacts to a name she had never texted before. Wes.

_Code Black. And it's bad._


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: Considerably longer than last chapter, but I hope you make it to the end. I feel I should clarify that Wes, in this fic, is indeed at college this year, but is visiting home at the moment (when I started writing this it was not long after Christmas, I guess I was thinking he could be home for a Christmas break or something similar... but however you justify it is fine too!).**_

_**This chapter sees a little Bike Chanderson friendship and a few other characters which I'm writing for the first time.**_

_**Review? That'd be pretty sweet.**_

_**Disclaimer: Anything you recognise isn't mine.**_

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><p>"<em>Shit<em>" Wes hissed before he knew he was saying it out loud.

"What is it?" David whispered, leaning forward in his chair towards Wes who sat opposite him, nearly knocking over his coffee.

Wes gave David a pained expression and admitted, "Just got a message from Rachel Anderson-Berry. Blaine told Kurt. It's not looking good."

David swallowed and shared a look of worry with Wes. He leaned back in his chair and wondered if Blaine would be accepted back into Dalton this late in the year.

Blaine noticed Rachel trying to be subtle as she peered over at his watch. Bringing his wrist up in front of them both, he said, "It's two-thirty. Go on. Go get ready for glee rehearsal."

Rachel looked up at him with her big brown eyes twinkling. "Oh, no, I couldn't leave you here alone, Blaine –"

"Yes you could. Go on. I've already made you miss half a day's classes. You've been amazing. Now go."

She smiled wide. He knew she didn't need that much persuading but gave it to her anyway. He was actually really touched by what Rachel had done for him today, especially considering Kurt was her 'best gay' (a term he often mocked her for more out of jealousy than any kind of offense). He winced as he thought of him.

"...Are you sure?" Rachel checked, picking up on his wounded expression.

Blaine carefully composed his face. "Of course."

"Okay. You don't want to come with me?"

Blaine stiffened and felt a surge of anger, at himself or at Kurt or the whole world he didn't know. He couldn't even go to Glee Club anymore. He wasn't sure if he would be able to show his face at McKinley anymore. It wasn't really his school anyway. He'd just followed Kurt there. He'd followed his heart to McKinley and now he only felt an aching where his heart should be. He wondered if Wes would be able to keep in his "I told you so".

"I can't, Rachel."

"Listen, I know you and Kurt are going to have some... stuff between you now but that doesn't mean you should give up on your dreams and j–"

"I _can't_." His voice was pleading.

Rachel managed to close her mouth. She looked at him unblinkingly, as if testing his resolve. He kept her gaze and she yielded by smiling and straightening his bow tie.

Blaine was suddenly tossed back a week to an idle moment in the choir room before rehearsal began. Kurt sat beside him humming something, trying to work out what the song was he had heard in a documentary he'd seen in class that day.

"_Sounds like that Coldplay song." Sam had offered, and Kurt had shaken his head decisively._

"_No, no. I know what song you mean and that's not it. Ugh! I just want to know what it is!"_

_Blaine had smiled at him, he had felt so warm just being in Kurt's presence. "It will come to you, I know it will. Don't worry."_

_Kurt had snapped his gaze round to Blaine with a snarky smile on his face, and Blaine had braced himself for the sarcasm that was sure to come._

"_You always have so much confidence in me, Blaine. I don't know how I'd get through this tough time without you."_

_Blaine had huffed and crossed his arms against the sarcasm, Kurt's best and most deadliest weapon used so softly on him, yet he still felt self-conscious when Kurt made fun of him. It didn't use to bother him so much but now it felt like a warning, a sign that Kurt could hurt him if he wanted. Recently he seemed to pull out the sarcasm whenever Blaine acted too familiar or too affectionate. Both of which were things Blaine needed to do. They were just how he showed fondness and friendship. Where others laughed at someone's jokes, he would take their hand and tell them to stand up for themselves, no matter the foe._

_Kurt had noted Blaine's unamused reaction and leaned over to him, "But thank you anyway, Blaine," he whispered, and reached out to adjust his bow tie._

"Alright, Kurt, up you get," Burt called as he made his way to Kurt's room and standing in the doorway, "You can't stay in bed forever."

Kurt groaned from under his blankets and peered up at his dad. "Why not? Seems like a perfectly good place to me."

Burt tilted his head as he looked at Kurt. For a boy so concerned with looks he looked pretty awful right now. Bed hair, pyjamas twisted around his body, bloodshot eyes and the impression of folds of fabric imprinted on his cheek.

"School." Burt reasoned. "And hygiene."

Kurt seemed uninterested.

"And that letter from NYADA isn't going to open itself."

Kurt sat bolt upright in his bed. "_Excuse me_?"

Burt smiled. "I only just checked yesterday's mail. I'm used to you going through it as soon as you get home. Come on, then. Let's go see what it says."

Kurt looked reluctant for a moment, and then crawled from his bed. He neatened his bedding quickly before leading the way out of his room, his heart pounding in his ears and whole body buzzing with nerves.

Blaine stood staring into his locker, frozen by the sound of Kurt's voice.

"I can't believe this is really happening. Look! I'm still shaking!"

"Of course you got in, Kurt, don't act so surprised!" The second voice was Mercedes. Blaine knew instantly what they were talking about, and he had to fight the urge to run over to Kurt and hug him, congratulate him and asked for his autograph because some day he was going to be seriously _big_.

"Have you told Rachel McUnicorn Sweater yet? She's going to be so jealous." This from Santana.

"I told her this morning," Kurt said, quieter now. "She hasn't got her letter yet."

He couldn't quite make out what Santana said next as a group of rowdy jocks passed through the hallway.

"No, actually, nothing like that. She managed to me happy for me, believe it or not. I'm not sure I could have been as polite as she was. I think she's growing as a person." Kurt added earnestly.

"Don't jinx it!"

Blaine felt his feet moving on an impulse he hadn't exactly thought through. Crossing the hall towards the three glee clubbers he caught Kurt's eye and somehow managed to hold it.

"Congratulations, I'm really happy for you, Kurt." Although none of that happiness showed on his face. He could feel Mercedes and Santana staring.

"Oh, it's the hobbit, I was wondering where that sound was coming from." Santana, turning to him with a familiar determination in her eyes, "What exactly happened to you in the cafeteria yesterday? Rumour goes that you started crying over your peas and clutching your heart like you were having a heart attack, and Rachel had to drag you out of there. Fair piece of advice: when _Rachel Anderson-Berry_ is preserving your reputation, you're doing something wrong."

Blaine had been looking at Kurt, trying to get _something_ from him, some kind of sign to say everything was going to be okay, that he was just a bit shocked yesterday, that he wasn't going to ignore Blaine's existence and be disgusted by the very thought of being loved by him. But Kurt kept his eyes on Santana the whole time, revealing nothing, his face void of emotion. Blaine couldn't explain what that did to him, but it hurt, more than if Kurt had just straight up slapped him. And then Santana had taken a go at Rachel and something snapped within him.

"That's _my sister_ you're talking about."

Santana looked amused and took a step towards him as if to be threatening.

"Oh, the hobbit's got a pair of balls does he? Surprising that they only come out when it comes to your _sister_."

"You can say whatever you want about me Santana but Rachel gets enough shit from everyone else at this school and she doesn't need it from someone she's carrying through to Nationals –"

Santana looked almost speechless. "_Carrying?_ I am _not_ being carried but that little midget freak – we won when _I _sang 'Valerie'."

"Oh, yeah, that _one_ time you had a solo you managed to _draw_ with the Warblers. Real nice. How many solos has Rachel had again?"

"Okay. Okay! You two can stop it now. Chill, ladies." Mercedes intervened, stepping between them. "You two are going to be late for that Cheerios meeting if you're not careful." She said, addressing Kurt and Santana.

The threat of Sue Slyvester's wrath if she were late was probably the only thing that could possibly cool Santana off, even without getting the last word in. After a bit more glaring the two cheerleaders left and Blaine was left with Mercedes, his face red with the heat of the argument.

"Thanks, Mercedes." Blaine said apologetically.

"You're welcome. You did give Santana a run for her money there. I've _never_ seen you get so fired up over Rachel before."

Blaine rubbed his temple with his thumb, a sudden headache plaguing him. "Uh, yeah, I've just had a bad twenty-four hours."

"From whatever happened in the cafeteria?"

Blaine glanced at her, wondering how much she knew, "Yeah, from whatever happened in the cafeteria."

In his next class (the dreaded mathematics) he was glad to see Mike Chang, the only person from McKinley with whom he had a friendship he didn't feel he owed entirely to Kurt.

"Hey man," Mike greeted as Blaine sat down and organised his books.

"Hey, how are you?"

"I'm good, I'm good. Finally got that move down I was telling you about the other day, I can show it to you if you like."

"If you were finding it difficult, I'm sure it's nigh impossible for me."

Mike grinned. "You're better than you think. I wouldn't exactly offer to teach it to Finn."

Finn Hudson, who was sitting elsewhere in the classroom, looked over curiously at them at the sound of his name.

"How are you, by the way? I heard something happened at lunch yesterday."

"I'm fine," he lied, "Kurt and I..." he trailed off. He didn't know how to finish that sentence. _"Kurt and I will never be friends again", "Kurt and I had a disagreement over my unconditional love for him and his complete indifference"_. Blaine realised he didn't know how to finish that sentence because he truly didn't know _what_ had happened yesterday. All he knew was that now he felt broken.

Fortunately Mike didn't seem to need an end to the sentence. He nodded knowingly and said, "That sucks."

"Yeah, it does."

"You should definitely let me teach you this move then. You know... to keep your mind off things."

Mike Chang was clever at more things than school and dancing, Blaine thought, and agreed to a two-man dance class after school.

Blaine hid amongst the boys of New Directions at lunch, pained by the memory of yesterday. Puck, Finn, Mike, and Artie were talking football and Sam and Rory seemed to be having a private conversation. Blaine had spotted Kurt at a table with Cheerios but wished he hadn't. He couldn't control his eyes from looking over at him every thirty seconds, wondering if this time he would be looking back.

He seemed tired as he rested his elbow on the table and nodded lazily at something Britney had said. He pushed his food around his plate but nothing ever made it to his mouth. It killed Blaine that he wasn't happy. He had just got into NYADA, he should be beaming all over the cafeteria. Instead he was hunched over and small and barely recognisable as the Kurt he knew.

_This is all my fault, isn't it?_ Blaine questioned internally. Eyebrows pinched together he watched Kurt get up without saying goodbye to anyone and toss out his full tray of food before disappearing amongst the crowd somewhere.

Blaine's phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out.

_What's going on with Kurt? - W_

Wes never ceased to amazing Blaine, always knowing things Blaine was sure he couldn't possibly. He tapped out a reply.

_...what do you know? - B_

_You told him how you felt, didn't you? – W_

_Yes. How do you know? – B_

_A little bird told me. Now what's going on? – W_

Blaine sighed and wondered how he could possibly explain the pain in his chest.

_He's just ignoring me. It's like I don't even exist. I don't know what to do. All I know is I have a new priority if I ever get my hands on a time machine. - B_

It was a few minutes until Wes replied and he wondered if he was debating whether or not to send an '_I told you so'_ message, because he had in fact told Blaine so.

"_You can't go following this guy all the way to Lima, change schools, and never see your friends, all under the pretext of just being his friend. You're in love with him, Blaine. And it's going to hurt like hell when it finally comes out if you keep this up. Either be honest now, see how he feels, _then _decide whether or not to change schools, or stay at Dalton and maybe… try to get over him."_

_Blaine, smitten with the last phone call he'd shared with Kurt, hadn't seen any of this as a real problem. "You forget, Wes, I actually live a little closer to McKinley. So I wouldn't be going 'all the way to Lima'. We live right on the boarder!"_

_Wes had sighed, frustrated and at his wit's end. "That wasn't my point at all, but whatever, Blaine. Follow him to McKinley, where you could get bullied like you were before and where you know no one but Kurt and your sister, neither of which have the reputation to keep you safe in that school."_

"_Kurt said he's re-joining their cheerleading squad -"_

_Wes had waved off the comment and continued. "Don't you get it? I know I won't be here in the new school year but what about all your other friends here? This crush of yours has gotten seriously out of hand, Blaine. And for goodness sake, at least tell Kurt you're thinking of transferring -"_

"_But I want it to be a surprise!"_

_Wes had gone rigid and quiet then, and Blaine had been able to see the anger in his eyes but not been able to understand it_

"_Just promise me you'll tell him someday, would you?"_

_Blaine's stomach went to jelly at the thought, but he nodded. "Yeah, okay."_

Sitting in the cafeteria now, Blaine had the urge to scream. Where had he gone wrong? Was he wrong to tell Kurt, or was he wrong to fall in love with him in the first place? Maybe it was the moving schools that stuffed everything up… but Kurt had been so thrilled that day he showed up at McKinley. Maybe he should had told Kurt long ago, maybe he should have kissed him one of the thousand times he had wanted to kiss him… in the hallways at Dalton, falling asleep in front of a movie together, saying goodbye to each other when Kurt had left Dalton for McKinley.

His phone lit up again and he was jolted out of his thoughts.

_Have dinner with us tonight? Nick's coming over but I can make him promise to no competition talk and my brother's out so we have full access to the Play Station. – W_

Maybe if he spent some time with his friends from Before Kurt he could rest his heart for a bit and feel somewhat normal again.

_My dads have a family dinner planned for tonight. I could come round after. - B_

_You're welcome anytime, and you can stay over if you like. Just let me know when you're on your way so I can hide the Warbler's sheet music Nick is making me look over. – W_

Blaine smiled. He missed his friends from Dalton. They'd all done a good job keeping in touch but nothing would compare to spending at least five days a week with them.

_Okay. See you tonight. – B_

He could do this. Blaine could be happy, despite having the person he loves ignore him for a full twenty-four hours.

Definitely, yeah, he was going to be fine.

Kurt wandered through the empty halls, his footsteps echoing along the lockers. He couldn't understand why his feet were moving so slowly. Kurt was not one to linger anywhere except his favourite clothing stores, and even then he had a method and efficiency to his shopping. He'd been in the library trying to get some study done before he headed home and began his inevitable weekend procrastination, and now he felt the effects of his lack of sleep from the night before lapping at his feet. He was sure the walk from the library had never been so long.

Passing the auditorium he heard the faintest chimes of music and he halted. Unaware anyone had booked the place for practice or why, he quietly pushed open the door and slipped inside.

Down on the stage two figures moved, one standing behind the other and watching the person in front's feet, following their movements.

Kurt was reminded of the first time he saw Blaine performing with the Warblers, watching everyone's feet to make sure they were all in time. Kurt felt his cheeks warm at the thought of how he had swooned at the sight, a tentative crush forming that only increased when they had started to get to know each other as more than just that guy they knew through Rachel.

It wasn't that Kurt couldn't recognise why he had liked Blaine, it wasn't even that he felt disconnected from those feelings and that person he was when he liked him. It was just that so much time had passed and Kurt had grown to rely on Blaine's place in his life. The friend. The one he could talk to about the bullying. The beautiful boy he and Rachel had teased since they were kids.

Besides, Rachel would never stand for being a third wheel on their movie nights.

Said beautiful boy was moving with grace on the stage. Even when he fumbled and nearly tripped he just chuckled at himself and smiled to Mike who said, "Come on, once more, you've almost got it."

The thought crossed Kurt's mind that maybe he was just scared.

And as soon as he thought it he became even more scared with the idea that he was missing out on something incredible enough to be scared of. If that even made sense.

His heart was thumping in his chest as he grabbed for the door.


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: Just a quick chapter! Initially meant for this & the next chapter to be one, but, ah, things were getting messy... and I really wanted to update! So hopefully this chapter doesn't feel incomplete. I plan on publishing the next one this weekend... so... yeah. I had a fair bit of trouble writing this one, so if you're feeling generous, you're thoughts on this installment would be wicked cool. Assuming you try and be nice about my lacking talent!**_

**_I'm kind of cringing as I write this, because I'm really not sure about the quality of this chapter. A bit more ~drama~ is headed this way soon though, so sit tight, I'll try to redeem myself._**

**_OKAY RANT DONE._**

**_HUGE thank you to everyone who is reading, and reviewing, and basically giving me warm and fuzzies._**

**_Diclaimer: Anything you recognise isn't mine! :)_**

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><p>"One, two and go – " Mike cut off abruptly, seeing that Blaine was no longer following the steps, but rather looking out over the seats to the far exit, his eyes big and shinning.<p>

"Did you hear something?"

Mike straightened up and glanced around the auditorium. "No... There's no one here. Everyone went home ages ago; no one stays behind on a Friday."

_Kurt stays behind on Fridays_, Blaine remembered, but didn't voice anything. Even if he hadn't imagined the figure slipping out the door they were gone now anyway. He looked back to Mike who gave him a smile.

"Ready to get back to work?"

Blaine was home for a total of five minutes before he realised this was going to have a _horrible_ weekend.

Sitting on the end of his bed he found himself without a single thing to distract him from _Kurt Kurt Kurt_. It started out not so bad – just weird pangs in his chest when Kurt jumped into his mind with no warning. But he'd just breathe a little slower for a while and try to bring his attention back to the book he was reading.

Then, gradually, everything in the book started reminding him of Kurt, or something he had said to Kurt one time, or how the first time he had read this bit he had thought _I _have _to get Kurt to read this_.

When exactly had every little thing in Blaine's life come back to Kurt?

Kurt.

Kurt who was ignoring him. Kurt who would rather pretend he didn't exist than acknowledged Blaine loved him. Kurt, who he couldn't help but love.

Blaine wondered if he really was broken, if the ache in his chest meant he no longer worked like a normal human being anymore.

There was a soft knock on the door but Blaine didn't have a voice to respond with. Eventually Rachel peeked in. "Blaine? Dinner's nearly ready."

Seeing that he didn't look like he was ever going to move, she crept inside and came to sit beside him. "Are you okay?"

The question echoed through Blaine once, and suddenly it was like the floodgates in Blaine's head opened wide. "No," he gasped, suddenly finding breathing a lot more difficult than usual, "No, I'm not. Nothing is okay. What happened Rachel? One second he was my friend and the next it's like I'm nothing to him. Why won't he just talk to me? What's so wrong with my l-loving him? How can he do this to me, Rachel?" he choked on a sob, "I - I don't understand… I still love him. I wish I could take it all back because I love him and I want him to be happy but he's not happy, I can tell. For god's sake he got into NYADA and he looked fucking miserable!" he drew a shaky breath and balled his fists, "What have I done?"

Rachel placed her hand on his back and angled herself to try and catch Blaine's eyes. "I can talk to him for you."

Blaine looked at her then, his eyes big with fear, "Oh, no, please don't Rachel. I don't want him to know I'm... I'm like this. I just want him to be happy, I just..."

"You want him to love you back."

Blaine hesitated, looking at his sister cautiously. He nodded.

"He does. I know he does. He had the biggest crush on you when he transferred to Dalton. A crush like that doesn't just disappear."

Blaine felt his heart begin to lighten and lift and he tried to pull it back down. Kurt had liked him… Kurt had thought about him _that _way. _Oh, what if he's thought about kissing me?_ Blaine swallowed hard. _Past tense_, he told himself, but his words betrayed him. "Did he really?"

Rachel smiled. "You can't seriously be telling me you didn't know!"

Blaine shook his head, breathless.

Blaine left for Wes' straight after dinner and Rachel instantly went for her phone and called Kurt.

"Hello Rachel."

"Good evening Kurt! You're coming over to my place tonight. I got my letter."

Rachel heard his gasp and smiled, "Oh, my god, Rachel! What did it say?"

"I'm not telling you until you come over."

"I think I may be able to deduce what it said from how excited you sound."

"You're coming over."

"Rachel..."

"Blaine's out tonight."

There was a pause.

"Okay. I'll be there in half an hour."

"Yes!"

Kurt chuckled, "See you soon, Rachel."

"Bye!"

Rachel had got in. That's what the family dinner had been about. Kurt experienced one blissful hour where Blaine didn't even cross his mind while he and Rachel talked excitedly, breathless with the idea of NYADA, New York, and their dreams coming true.

Kurt lay back on Rachel's bed and sighed happily. "This is really happening." He locked eyes with Rachel and they grinned at each other.

When Rachel really meant it, her smiles could be kind of beautiful, Kurt thought. The one she was giving him now was nearly as lovely as Blaine's.

Kurt's stomach twisted strangely and he let the grin fall from his face.

Blaine sighed as he stared at his phone, thumb hovering over the call button.

"We're going to go pick up our take out and if you haven't called him by the time we get back, I'm driving you to his place and leaving you there. You obviously need to talk to him."

Blaine looked to Wes who was picking up his wallet and keys and heading for the door. "I'm not kidding." He said, following a slightly awkward Nick outside before closing the heavy door behind him.

Blaine had been terrible company. He seemed to have forgotten how to talk about anything except Kurt. He hated being bad company, so he pressed called.

The phone rang for some time, and Blaine wondered if Kurt would really just flat out ignore him. Just as he was about to hang up himself the ringing stopped and Kurt's voice answered, cool and even.

"Hello?"

That wasn't how he normally answered Blaine's call. He usually started with "Blaine! Where are you! Why are you _always_ late?" or at least, "Blaine Anderson-Berry, I'm in the middle of my moisturising routine, this had better be good."

"Hi, Kurt."

There was a silence and Blaine wasn't sure if it was just awkward or charged with a million things they both wanted to say. Blaine cleared his throat.

"We need to talk."

"We are talking," Kurt retorted, and Blaine could hear someone else whispering loudly on Kurt's end of the line. "I – Rachel – shhh!" Kurt said, his voice muffled but Blaine had heard enough.

"Are you with Rachel?" Blaine demanded, his voice quivering slightly.

"I – um – yes, Blaine. I'm at your place, actually."

That did funny things to Blaine's stomach. There was a mix of excitement and terror brewing in his tummy and the hairs on the back of his neck was standing up.

"H-how come?" Blaine couldn't keep the hope out of his voice. What if Kurt gone to his place to find him? What if –

"Rachel invited me over," said Kurt, his voice unreadable.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"...We need to talk, Kurt. About..." He was nervous to say it, "...us."

Blaine could hear Kurt's breathing hitch and he waited for a response from the boy he loved. Blaine was sure there had never been a longer silence in any conversation in history.

"Okay, but now isn't really a good time."

"How about tomorrow?"

"Okay."

"Coffee?"

"I can do eleven, does that work for you?"

Blaine realised he had been holding his breath and let it out in one long sigh of relief. "I can. I'll see you then?"

"See you at eleven."

"Bye, Kurt."

He hung up.

Blaine closed his eyes and clutched his phone to his chest, the sound of Kurt's voice ringing in his head.


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: Never a good idea to post after midnight, but I'm going to be scrambling for time to sleep let alone write and update this week, so here goes. Chapter four! Next update probably won't be until late this coming week or next weekend.**_

_**I would like to thank Jim and the Povolos for making music that got me through a lot of writing and merciless editing :D Also thank you to everyone who's reading, 'cause yeah, warm and fuzzies, I got 'em aplenty.**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee! If I did I couldn't help but turn it into The Kurt and Blaine Show... but hey, there are actually other characters, so it's probably for the best.**_

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><p>"It's just coffee, Blaine. You two have been out to coffee more times than you had the lead in the Warblers."<p>

Blaine wrung his hands nervously. "I know, I know." He sucked in a deep breath, "It's just coffee."

Wes nodded and put a hand on Blaine's shoulder. "That being said, you probably shouldn't... attack him with your mouth or anything. You're just meeting to talk, remember?"

Blaine couldn't help look worried. "I know. It'll be fine, I'm good at talking."

Wes smiled. "You are. That and picking up spies and convincing them to stand up to bullies within five minutes of knowing them."

"It wasn't five minutes-"

"You liked him right away, didn't you?"

Blaine looked at his friend, his eyes round and vulnerable, "Yeah, I guess I did." He closed his eyes and shook his head, "I couldn't believe my eyes when I turned around and saw him that day on the staircase. Rachel's little friend, all grown up, looking like _that_."

"And then you had to go and sing Katy Perry in front of him. Remind me again how it has taken this long for you to admit your feelings?"

"Okay, I'm going now. Wish me luck."

They hugged and Blaine stepped outside, pulling his coat around himself.

[]

It was weird how, after less than two days of barely speaking to someone you usually spoke to all the time – be it via text, email, at lunch dates, coffee catch-ups, study sessions or movie nights – the whole tone and feel of day to day life was different. Quieter. Lonelier. Kurt had lost count of the number of times he'd picked up his phone, about to tell Blaine about some unspectacular happening in his life (purely because it was _Blaine_ and he couldn't help but want to tell Blaine _everything_, this he had learnt about himself a long time ago) only to put the phone back down, the hollow feeling returning to Kurt's chest.

Nothing was unspectacular with Blaine. Kurt could text him saying '_why do I only own 2B pencils? Is HB the underdog of pencils? I feel like no one ever goes for HB'_ and it would be the start of hours of texting, of jokes and serious discussion, of simple stream _communication_. God, he missed it.

Why was it that Kurt couldn't have that with Blaine without the pressure and the anxiety of a _relationship_? Why did Blaine want to risk what they had now? Didn't he see how messy it could all get?

Kurt put his keys in the ignition. He would tell Blaine he just wanted to be friends. He'd apologise, try to make Blaine see it was for the best. They were such good friends, a friendship distinct and special from all others Kurt had. That's what he wanted. That's what he would tell Blaine.

[]

This was going to be fine. It was just… Kurt and Blaine, getting coffee and talking. _Completely normal_, Blaine told himself, _just talking. Talking about the fact that I'm in love and Kurt is a brick wall who doesn't talk. Obviously. Because he is a brick wall, and brick walls can't talk_.

So maybe Blaine was a little nervous.

Blaine arrived after Kurt, and saw him sitting at their usual spot. He hadn't bought any coffee yet. Blaine pushed back his shoulders, touched a hand to his hair and lifted his chin before walking purposefully over to him.

"Hi."

Kurt started, and he looked around as if he was surprised to find himself in a coffee shop. He blinked up at Blaine. "Hey," said Kurt.

Blaine gestured to the empty table in front of him. "Shall we order?" He said, doing his best to sound his usual self.

Kurt nodded and stood. They joined the line in silence and Blaine racked his brain for words.

"You look good today."

It was Kurt who had broken the silence and Blaine starred back at him in surprise, "Oh, thank you... Really?"

Kurt smiled. He actually smiled. Blaine thought he would explode with triumph and relief.

"You look nice all rugged up like that. So cosy and warm – uh," Kurt seemed taken aback by his own words and looked to the floor.

"Thank you, Kurt. Do I even need to bother telling you that you look amazing? You always do, and you know it."

Kurt reddened and Blaine wanted to kiss those flushed cheeks. He swallowed the urge as they reached the barista and he ordered for both of them.

Once they had their coffees in hand and were sitting down, the mood shifted and they both sat silently without looking at each other.

Blaine ran over a hundred different things to say. "_So, do you love me back?_", "_Can we go back to being friends?_", "_Just pretend I never said anything_."

But when he said "You hurt me, Kurt" he bit his tongue and wondered where the hell _that_ came from.

Kurt looked up at him, eyes shining and panicked.

Blaine rubbed his brow and continued. "I told you my biggest secret, and you just walked away. You've been ignoring me for days. How was that supposed to make me feel?"

Kurt didn't seem to have an answer for him, staring at him with his mouth slightly ajar. He blinked and said, "Not quite _days_ -"

"I'll tell you how it made me feel: like complete shit, Kurt. I'm still the same Blaine, you know. Nothing has changed, just – just now you know the truth, now you know everything, and you just _reject_ me like that -" Blaine felt his whole body shaking with hurt and anger, and, oh, he was tearing up again. When would Kurt stop making him cry?

Kurt just pressed his lips into a tight line and didn't say anything. Somehow this made Blaine even more infuriated and he closed his eyes tight, willing the edge in his voice to soften. It didn't really work.

"So, what, is your friendship with me really so conditional? One confession of love and you drop everything we have just like that? If you really don't feel the same way, Kurt, just say so, for god's sake. I'll get over it. I just wanted to tell you how I felt, I needed to tell you – in – in case – god, why don't you just _say something_?

Their eyes met, Blaine's wild with pain and Kurt's unreadable.

"I don't," Kurt said, his voice low but steady, "I don't love you like that Blaine... I don't want that..."

There it was.

Blaine felt like a complete idiot for being so heartbroken.

_Of course_ Kurt didn't love him. _Of course_ Kurt only wanted to be friends. What chance did Blaine ever really have with this cheerleading, compassionate, loving, smart, stunning, Broadway-star-to-be? Oh, shit, he'd blown it. Kurt wouldn't want anything to do with this pathetic boy who was in love with him now, Blaine thought.

He stood up clumsily, gripping his coffee and hastily shouldering his bag.

"I guess – I guess I'll go then." Blaine choked out before all but running out the door, tossing his near-full drink into the closest bin. He knew Kurt had seen the tears in his eyes and he just wanted to escape, he didn't want Kurt to see him fall apart because _Kurt didn't love him_.

He was barely ten feet out the door before Blaine heard his name being called and felt a hand grip his arm, making him turn.

Trying to blink away the tears that already stained his cheeks Blaine looked at Kurt. He barely had a moment to register the wild, desperate look on Kurt's face before he was being embraced, held, _rescued_.

Kurt's arms were wrapped around him tightly, his body pressed to Blaine's. Blaine leaned into the feeling, tucking his face down into the scarf-covered crook of Kurt's neck and letting a sob escape him.

"Don't cry, Blaine." Kurt whispered, still holding him so tight it was as if he thought if he let go Blaine would be gone forever.

Blaine couldn't help it, though. He clutched to Kurt's sides as tears fell from his eyes, spilling onto Kurt's coat as his body shook.

Kurt loosened his hold and moved his hands so they were at Blaine's shoulders. He eased himself back from Blaine a bit, and Blaine reluctantly gave up his crying spot at Kurt's shoulder. Kurt's hands came to cup Blaine's face softly.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he whispered, and began brushing light kisses just under Blaine's eyes, as if trying to stop the tears, "Don't cry. Please, Blaine, don't cry."

Blaine's breath hitched and he blinked up at Kurt, whose eyes were clouded with tears too.

"Wh-what are you doing?"

Kurt froze for a second, and Blaine instantly regretted his words. Kurt let his hands fall from Blaine's face and he took a step back, meeting resistance as Blaine stayed holding his sides.

"L – let go of me, Blaine."

Blaine held him, knowing Kurt could break away if he really wanted to, but he didn't. Blaine searched Kurt's face. He just wanted Kurt to meet his eyes again. Maybe then he could get him to stay. When Kurt's eyes stayed trained on the ground Blaine relaxed his muscles and let go. Kurt stepped back.

"I have to go," said Kurt.

"Wait, Kurt, wait, just please... wait." Blaine whimpered, reaching out an arm towards Kurt, only to have him flinch away.

"I can't do this." Kurt said simply, eyes flickering to meet Blaine's, maybe trying to tell him something more, but Blaine didn't know what. "Sorry" he muttered, and walked away.

Blaine watched him go. His cheeks were still wet where Kurt had kissed him. Blaine touched the place, remembering the soft feel of his lips as they had ghosted over his skin.


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: Posting after midnight again whoops. Sorry about any typos, I think I've cleaned it up okay.**_

_**This is a longer chapter with a fair bit from Kurt's POV, hopefully I've pulled it off alright. As always thank you for reading :) and I hope you're having a lovely day!**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the poor grammar and off characterisations.**_

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><p>Rachel was sitting at the kitchen table getting help from one of her dads with some history homework when Blaine had arrived home. A quick glance at the clock told her things hadn't gone well, else he wouldn't be back so early.<p>

"Did you have a good time over at Wes'?" Leroy called out, luring Blaine into the kitchen.

"Yeah, we had fun," Blaine said, appearing in the doorway. He looked pale and sounded flat, and Rachel squinted at him, trying to decipher what had happened with Kurt.

"That's good. I'm so glad you keep in touch with your Dalton friends."

Blaine nodded in agreement and mumbled some excuse to go upstairs. She could tell he was avoiding her and that alone was enough to spur her on. "I'll be back in a moment," she said before setting off after her brother, who was already at the top of the stairs. Dashing up the steps behind him she heard him groan and he turned around, already looking exasperated.

"Leave me alone Rachel." He mumbled, sounding ten times more miserable than he had in front of their dad.

She ignored the comment. "So, how'd things go with Kurt?"

Blaine tried to wave her away and grumbled, "I'm not telling you. Now go away."

She continued to follow him down the hallway and badger him with questions. "Did you talk about what happened the other day? Did he tell you why he was ignoring you? Did you kiss him?"

Blaine rubbed his eyes in frustration and blocked Rachel off at the door to his bedroom. "I said, _go away_." He snapped and stepped back into his room, slamming the door in her face.

Rachel stood staring at the closed door for a moment, worrying her lips at Blaine's sour mood. She wondered whether she should call Kurt to find out what had gone on. Just as she was about to head back to her room and do just that, Rachel heard her brother's voice through the door.

"Hey, Wes, it's me." He said. Rachel realised he must be on the phone. Perhaps getting the information she wanted was going to be easier than she had thought. She pressed her ear to the door.

"N-not good ... I don't know what to think ... he – he – I don't know, I've never been so confused in my life!" There were a lot of pauses as Blaine listened to Wes' side of the conversation. "Because, uh, he told me he didn't love me, but then... then in the parking lot... I don't know, he kind of just held me and then k-kissed me, just like, on my cheeks kind of, I don't know how to explain..."

Rachel had brought a hand to her mouth to stop herself from gasping. The next few things Blaine said she couldn't quite make out, but soon his voice became loud enough again.

"It wasn't the kind of kiss you'd get from a friend, no, but... it wasn't really clear. And then he just told me "_I can't do this_" and left ... I'm just really confused, Wes ..."

Suddenly Rachel hiccupped and Blaine's string babbling stopped.

"Hang on a second," she heard him say and she stood frozen at the doorway, trying to decide if she should try and make a run for it or not. "Rachel, are you at my door?" He called. She didn't respond bar a second hiccup and he said, "What am I saying? Of course you're at the door. What did you hear?"

Rachel reached down to the handle and slowly pushed the door open. Blaine sat at his desk, the chair turned around to face the door. He held his phone to his chest and looked at her pointedly, eyebrows raised.

"I heard enough," Rachel said earnestly.

Blaine sighed and brought his phone back to his ear. "Wes? Yeah, sorry, I've got to deal with my sister. Thanks for talking ... I'll see you later." He tapped his phone and hung up, returning his attention back to Rachel.

"So... what do you think?"

This, Rachel had not been expecting. She had thought Blaine was going to yell and get angry that she had been eavesdropping. Recovering quickly, she began to dish out her advice. "Kurt obviously has feelings for you. He just needs a bit of encouragement. Maybe you should work on sweeping him off his feet rather than just waiting for him to admit his feelings and-"

"Wow, wow, slow down," Blaine pleaded, "How is it _obvious_ Kurt has feelings for me? He told me himself he didn't."

"Actions speak louder than words. And Kurt kissed you, so... it's obvious."

Blaine actually seemed to be considering this. There was a long silence in which Blaine sat pensively, his brow knotted in thought. "This is such a mess." He concluded.

"Yes, it is, but from the ashes rises the phoenix!" Rachel implored dramatically.

"Oh my god, Rachel, you are so lame sometimes."

Rachel just smiled. She knew she was right and she was thankful for the addition of 'sometimes'.

[]

[]

[]

With the amount of homework Kurt had, pushing away all thoughts of Blaine hadn't been as hard as he thought it would. But there were times when he thought he was completely focused on his work when suddenly Blaine would pop into his head - a tingling on his sides where Blaine had gripped him, a flash of Blaine's distraught face when he blinked. Every time it happened Kurt would take a steady breath and bring his mind back to the task at hand.

But he was kind of screwed when it got to Sunday night and he didn't have a thing left to do.

He sat stretched back on the couch next to his dad, flicking through the channels endlessly. He wasn't even seeing the screen, really. He was just pressing a button on the remote while his exhausted brain kept straying back to Blaine, Blaine, Blaine.

"If you're not going to pick a channel, could you pass the remote here?" said Burt, who had been watching him, bringing Kurt out of his reverie.

"Oh. Yes. Sorry." Kurt blinked and passed the remote over.

Burt took the remote and clicked it once before setting it down. He watched the screen for a minute, glancing at Kurt out of the corner of his eye every now and then.

"What is it, kid?"

Kurt looked to his father, his eyes barely keeping open he was so tired. "I'm just worn out from studying. I might get an early night, actually."

Burt raised his eyebrows as Kurt stood and trudged quietly from the room. When Kurt was in his room he collapsed on his bed, wondering how he had got this tired. He'd studied until he'd fell asleep last night, well after two AM. What time had he woken up? He couldn't remember. He knew he had flown out of bed, trying to get as far away from the dream he'd been having. Kurt almost never remembered his dreams, but this once had stayed with him all day. Little moments and sensation coming back to him without warning.

In the dream he had been in an airport, getting panicked as he waited for his bag to appear. Just when he was about to cry with frustration and fear, Blaine had shown up, Kurt's bag in his hand. That wasn't the bad part. The bad part was where they had got into a cab together and started kissing in the back seat, with Blaine whispering to him "_I've got to kiss you now before you're gone forever_".

It had been kind of intense, leaving Kurt twisted in his sheets and his heart thumping.

It was all getting too much for Kurt. Dreams and moments in parking lots, confessions of love and discussions with Rachel... Since when did Rachel care about anything that didn't relate directly to her? Kurt had several texts from her he left answered. He didn't know how to answer them anyway.

Thinking about it all was hurting his head so he stumbled tiredly to his wardrobe to plan out tomorrow's outfit, and let the task consume all his attention.

Some time later he was desperately searching for a lost accessory when he came across something that made him pause. It was a mixtape Blaine had made for him not long after he had transferred to Dalton. It was an actual tape, too. Blaine cared about that sort of thing. He wasn't one to hand over a USB full of music before asking for it back so he could use it to give someone else music. No, Blaine was old school like that. The tape had some whiteout over the front on top of which was written "For Kurt, The Pretty Warbler". Kurt nearly smiled in remembrance of the nickname. All the Warblers had them. Blaine had kept his Warbler name a secret from Kurt as long as he could, driving Kurt absolutely insane with curiosity. Blaine had begged Kurt not to laugh when he finally told him, but "The Little Warbler" was just too cute and Blaine was too nervous about revealing it so he did laugh. A lot.

"_Katy Perry, really?" Kurt had said when he looked over the small piece of paper that had accompanied the mix tape with a list of the music it contained._

"_Don't act so surprised. It's my music, you know."_

"_Yes, but it's a mixtape you made for _me_." Kurt said as he looked over the rest of the songs. He giggled and looked at Blaine, who was looking a little less sure of himself than usual. "Roxy Music, Blaine?"_

"_Shut up. Listen to the whole thing, I promise you'll like it."_

_Kurt had gasped then, reading the name of the last song of the tape, "You put 'Hey Mickey' on there!"_

"_In honour of our new favourite movie."_

_Kurt had smiled and shook his head, hardly believing this boy."Thank you, Blaine. You didn't have to do this. It's so thoughtful."_

_Blaine grinned, his confidence back. "I just hope you have a cassette player. My parents wanted to throw out our one, but I hide it in my room."_

"_I do. But really, Blaine, this is so sweet. I can't wait to listen to it."_

"_Well, you're very welcome." Blaine had said, and leaned in to hug Kurt. Blaine was always so intimate with people, so open. Kurt hugged him back quickly and they parted, smiling at each other._

Kurt pulled away from the memory reluctantly.

Too tired to stop himself, he crossed the room to his cassette player and put the tap in. He pressed play and walked purposefully over to his bed, dropping to his knees and reaching underneath. His hand fumbled blindly under the bed for a moment before he found what he was looking for.

The music drifted through the room, as it had so many times before, long ago, when Kurt had first received the mixtape.

A second later he had a crumpled shoebox in his lap. Sighing, he opened the lid. Inside rested several loose pieces of paper and a few... souvenirs. Journal entries he'd torn out and put away in this box. A note Blaine had slipped in his pocket on his first day at Dalton _'I'm so glad you're here and you're safe. I think you made the right decision.'_ The Dalton Academy cup holder Blaine had given him. Kurt hadn't meant to keep all these things. He hadn't realised he had until that night after they went to Scandals with Sebastian.

Kurt couldn't help but be consumed by memory again.

_Kurt had felt weirdly sick, sitting there, watching Blaine dance with _him_. Sebastian was so obvious about his interest in Blaine, the very sight of him made Kurt cringe. Why did he have to be so forward? More importantly, why the hell did Blaine insist on spending time with this guy? Blaine had promised him he wasn't remotely interested in Sebastian like that, and had even tried to convince Kurt that Sebastian didn't see him that way either. Was Blaine really so ignorant of Sebastian's stares, or the way his eyes always flickered to Blaine's lips like he was about to attack them with his own, thin, slimy lips._

_Okay, so they probably weren't slimy. But Sebastian was and his leering ways made Kurt writhe with disgust._

_Kurt had given up watching the horrific sight and joined them on the dance floor, actually managing to have fun dancing with Blaine, whenever Sebastian didn't come to close. Eventually Kurt convinced Blaine it was about time they left. The drunken boy had begged to stay for one more song, and Kurt had let him, but returned to his place by the bar._

_And that's when Sebastian started getting handsy._

_It was like, now that Kurt wasn't there to get in his way, Sebastian was making up for lost time with Blaine. He started dancing _way_ too close, touching him sometimes, and Blaine just _let him_._

_That was the worst part. He knew Blaine was a bit drunk, but no so drunk that he couldn't get Sebastian t back off. But he didn't. Blaine just touched him back and danced and kept looking over at Kurt, as if he was trying to prove something._

_Kurt had thought he was over his giant crush on Blaine, he really did. But seeing Blaine being like that with another boy broke something inside him. He whole way home he felt angry and upset, and tried hard to ignore Blaine's pleads to tell him, "What's wrong, baby? Was it the dancing? Was it me dancing with Sebastian?"_

_When Kurt had got home that night he had walked into his room and immediately realised that it was covered with things to do with Blaine. Photo booth pictures of them both, where between shots they had quickly swapped bowties. The Dalton cup holder. The note from Blaine sitting on his desk. Just little things, but they were everywhere. Whatever way you turned, there was another reminder of Blaine._

_He used to love the reminders. They made him smile, made him have courage. But now he felt like he'd imagined it. Like Blaine wasn't his at all._

_To stop himself from crying Kurt had rushed about his room, gathering up all his Blaine-things. And there was so damn much of it. He was panting and high-strung by the time he'd put it on into a small pile on his bed. Looking at it then, he couldn't throw it out, which had been his original plan. He still felt a painful twist in his chest every time he looked at it though, so he hastily put it all into a shoebox and pushed it under his bed._

Kurt wondered now if Blaine had been trying to make him jealous that night, not to break his heart and make him give up all the hope he hadn't known he had.

Kurt dug through the box, unable to help a smile spreading over his face when he found what he was looking for.

It was a piece of paper he had torn from one of his exercise books after realising carrying it around with him to classes could be incriminating. It wasn't anything special, just his and Blaine's name written neatly within a heart with and arrow going through it. Closing the lid of the shoebox and sliding it back under the bed, Kurt held onto this one thing. He stared at it as he flopped onto his bed, just remembering what he had felt when he had drawn it, _feeling _what he had felt when he had drawn it.

When he fell asleep it was still in his hand.


	6. Chapter 6

_**A/N: Chapter 6! So soon! Gosh golly!**_

**_I just wanted to mention the first song Blaine puts on the mixtape, in my head, is probably Sarah Blasko's 'We Won't Run', because I think it inspires a little fearlessness (or should I say courage?) that is often felt when experiencing a ~crush~ ... but I didn't put it in the story because I don't want to force it on anyone. So if you're not into that song, feel free to imagine any song you like :). If you want to listen tack this on the end of the usual youtube URL: /watch?v=z5RtLfE7K6Q_**

**_I have a vague idea of what the mixtape consists of, but I going to ask a favour... if you have any songs you think could work, any songs that make you think of klaine, or Blaine, or Kurt, or having a massive, teenage crush, that you would consider sharing them with me? Could be a fun topic for discussion and I kind of need a hand with this! I'd be forever in your debt!_**

**_Enough from me!_**

**_Disclaimer: Anything you recognise isn't mine._**

* * *

><p>Kurt was ignoring him again.<p>

Blaine knew it as soon as he caught sight of him getting out his car in the morning, and upon seeing Blaine took off towards the school.

Blaine didn't have any tears left anymore. No, now he was just annoyed. Hurt, annoyed, and a little bit determined. He let Kurt flee from the parking lot, but he _was_ going to speak to him before the day was out.

Classes went by as per usual. They didn't have any classes together. Lunch had Kurt at an extra Cheerios practice. Blaine had his sights set on Glee Club at the end of the day.

Unfortunately Schuester had them working pretty hard on choreography and there was little time for conversation. There was, however, opportunity to be in the same room as Kurt and this alone seemed like a huge improvement on Blaine's day. The moment of truth was when practice broke up and everyone started heading home.

"I'll meet you outside, Rach," he said hastily to his sister, ignoring her look of confusion and then excited comprehension.

Kurt was being ridiculously efficient at his gathering his stuff and was striding for the door before anyone else.

"Kurt! Wait up!" Blaine called, jogging after him as he turned down the corridor. He could see Kurt's pace slow as he hesitated between turning around and bolting for the door.

"Please," Blaine said. That seemed to be enough. Kurt stopped and turned slowly.

_He's prefect even when he's sad_, Blaine realised in awe. He starred for a moment, Kurt looking so beautiful he didn't know what to do. He had to shake the thought from his head before he could think what to say.

"Can you just... Kurt... Tell me what's going on?" His voice was pleading. He couldn't help it, he just needed some answers. He just needed to know what on earth was going on in Kurt's head.

Kurt visibly drew breath at the question and he was looking everywhere but at Blaine. But he started talking, and it was more than he had done before.

"I used to have the biggest crush on you, Blaine. That day I came to spy on the Warblers I thought you were some kind of dream. I thought-" he a smile tugged at his lips, "_how is this dreamy handsome guy Rachel's little brother?_ And it only got worse, you know, when I came to Dalton. You were my closest friend and I was head over heels for you. You were so kind to me, but I was only a friend to you." Kurt shrugged sadly. "So I hid it all away, you know? I didn't want to be hurt any longer so I made myself stop seeing you that way... at least I thought I had."

Blaine was barely breathing. There was so much he wanted to say, to reassure him, to tell him he'd always liked him as more than a friend but had held back because he was so afraid of hurting him the way Karofsky had hurt him.

"I guess when you – when you said what you said last week-"

"When I said I love you," Blaine dared.

"Yes – yes, that." Kurt acknowledged shakily. "Well it freaked me out, a lot." Kurt looked up just in time to see Blaine blush. "I thought it was because I didn't feel the s-same way, but that's not it."

Blaine felt suddenly very dizzy.

"I felt like you betrayed me. I loved being your friend, Blaine. I've never had someone I could be so close too. And the best thing about it was that you didn't expect anything from me. I was just you're friend... I got all the good stuff without having to worry about... disappointing you as a boyfriend."

Blaine's jaw dropped then. Did Kurt seriously doubt his capabilities as a boyfriend? Didn't he get he didn't have to do anything, that Blaine was already in love with him? He knew Kurt wanted romance, wanted it all... was he really so scared to have that with Blaine? He took an instinctive step towards Kurt, "But – Kurt – you could never disappoint me. I know it can be scary, love... and stuff, but it'd be _us_, you know? It would be you and me, working it out together."

"But that isn't the real problem, Blaine. And I only just worked this out on the way to school this morning." He took a slow, steadying breath, "I got into NYADA."

Screwing up his brow in confusion, Blaine search Kurt's eyes for an explanation.

"I'm going to New York, Blaine, and you're staying here." Blaine swallowed, a little prick of panic racing over his skin as Kurt continued. "Leaving you is going to hurt enough as it is, and if we... do this, do _us_," he gestured at them both, "It's only going to hurt that much more."

For the first time in a long time, Blaine was speechless.

"So I think we need to give each other some space until we can be friends again." Kurt gave him a sympathetic smile that made Blaine wonder how much of his disbelief was showing on his face. "Hopefully that will be soon. I don't want to leave here on bad terms with you, of all people."

Blaine was still without the ability to speak, so he just mouthed and pleaded with his eyes.

Kurt smiled tightly again and squeezed Blaine's shoulder reassuringly.

"I'll see you around."

[]

[]

[]

"But you can't be just _giving up_ like that! Three weeks ago you told him you loved him, now you're going on a date with _Sebastian_?"

Blaine sighed and pulled his books from his locker. "Look, Rachel, three weeks ago Kurt made it very clear he just wants to be friends," his eyes flickered down the hall to where Kurt stood with some Cheerios. The 'friend' part was yet to come back into their relationship, with both of them doing their best to give each other the space Kurt said Blaine needed to... fall out of love with him. That hadn't been working so well for Blaine. Sleepless nights had come and gone and the flutter in his stomach he felt when he saw Kurt hadn't lessened in the slightest – if anything it had gotten worse. So he was taking a new approach.

"You still haven't told me how he "made it clear", and I refuse to believe that's what Kurt really wants. I have been friends with him longer than you have you know." Rachel huffed.

"And I'm the one that fell in love with him," Blaine couldn't help but wince as he said the words, "don't you think if there was any chance Kurt wanted to be more than friends I would be the first one to know?"

"No, because apparently you are completely blind. You didn't even know he liked you back at Dalton!"

"See, '_liked_', past tense. Even you know it." Blaine reasoned. He hated how Rachel made him question everything he had forced himself to believe. Thinking there was even the slimmest chance of Kurt wanting with Blaine what Blaine wanted with him only made any chance of them being friends again even worse they already seemed to be.

Rachel ignored his comment, shaking her head dismissively. "But Valentine's Day is coming up. Do you really plan on spending it with Sebastian?"

He closed his locker and raised an eyebrow challengingly, "Maybe, if things go well tomorrow night."

"_Tomor_-"

"What's happening tomorrow night?" A light, high voice intruded.

The Anderson-Berry siblings whipped their heads to see Kurt Hummel standing opposite the lockers, smiling tentatively down at them and their matching expressions of shock.

"Oh – uh – nothing-" Blaine said, stumbling over his words before being cut off by his sister, whose expression had changed from one of a deer caught in headlights to one that set off the alarms bells in Blaine's mind. That was Rachel's scheming look.

"Oh, haven't you heard? Blaine's going on a date with Sebastian! Isn't that just... dandy?" She turned back to Blaine, "I'm sure you two will have a lovely time, I think we all know how much Sebastian likes you."

Blaine couldn't help but blush right to his ears. He dipped his head, unable to look at Kurt to see his reaction.

"Oh," Kurt said, obviously startled. "That's... great Blaine. That's..."

"It's wonderful! And with Valentine's Day just around the corner – you, me, Finn and Sebastian could go on a double date!"

Blaine shot Rachel a look that clearly said _there is no way in hell we are doing that_ but she just continued to smile and Blaine continued to blush and Kurt continued to look ever so slightly distressed.

"Well, I'd better get to class. Have fun tomorrow night, Blaine." Kurt breathed out before dashing from the scene. Once he was out of earshot Blaine locked eyes with Rachel.

"What the hell was that?"

Rachel rolled her eyes patronisingly. "You can't make Kurt jealous if he doesn't even know about the date."

Blaine looked at her, incredulous. "But I'm not trying to make Kurt jealous, for god's sake. I wouldn't do that!"

She smiled knowingly, "Really? I heard about the dancing at Scandals."

"You – what – no, I was so silly that night, if I could take it back I would. I –"

"Hush little brother, I see what you're up to now with this date and I fully support it."

Blaine ran his hands over his face in exasperation. "I'm not doing to Kurt what you did to Finn. I'm not an idiot."

He regretted the words as soon as they left him, his eyes becoming round with apology as he peered at Rachel, who straightened abruptly in a move of body language Blaine knew wasn't good.

"No – that's not what I meant. I'm sorry, you're not an idiot, I swear that's not what I meant." He gushed.

"Well," she jutted her chin out defensively, "if that's how you feel, you can work out how to get Kurt to admit his feelings on your own." With a twirl of hair and beret, she was gone.

Blaine just sighed and dropped his forehead to rest against his locker, feeling as though with every word he said another piece of his life shattered onto the ground, leaving him to walk on the sharp broken bits. Soon enough he'd have nothing left but broken bits.

[]

[]

[]

_It was one of the rare moments when Blaine had the house to himself, so he turned up his music and practiced his running-on-to-knees-slide down the hallway. A move he'd probably never get to do with the Warblers but he wanted to perfect it anyway. He was in a really good mood. He'd gotten coffee with Kurt earlier that day – only the third time they'd done so together and Blaine was enraptured with their newfound friendship. Kurt was so honest about the painful things in his life and Blaine just wanted to help him _so badly_. He'd managed to leave a life of being the victim behind and he just _knew_ Kurt could too. He wanted to share with him the relief of just being the person you are without having to check over your shoulder all the time. He wanted that for Kurt, and he was excited about helping him make it happen, but that wasn't all._

_Kurt was... interesting. Listening to him talk about – about anything, really, was almost revolutionary to Blaine. He'd never met anyone like Kurt. He'd never met someone so snarky and quick witted but so kind, so human and humble. He was strong and fragile at the same time, and it took Blaine's breath away at times._

_There was a silence between songs and he heard his phone sound._

_Returning to his room he grabbed his phone and there was no stopping the grinned that spread across his face when he saw who the message was from._

Thanks for the talk today :). When are you free for another coffee? – K

_Blaine actually leapt with joy then, thrusting his fist into the air and grinning wildly as he bounced around happily to his music. It took him a second to be still enough to reply._

You're very welcome :) Thank you for putting up with my rant about my uniform! How's Wednesday after school for you? All this caffeine can't be good for me, but I think the company is, so it should balance out :D – B

_His fingers shook a little as he pressed send, adrenaline or something making him giddy. "Kurt," he said aloud, tasting the name, enjoying the sound of his own voice saying it, "Kurt Kurt Kurt."_

_Catching his reflection in the mirror, he stopped abruptly. At the sight of his own goofy smile and glittering eyes his face fell slightly. That was the moment it clicked. That was the moment he realised he liked Kurt – like liked him. Big time._

_After an initial moment of surprise he grinned at his reflection. The way his heart beat louder than normal, the way he felt like he had enough energy to stay awake for days, dancing around his bedroom and sending texts to _his crush_, the way he simply _could not_ stop smiling: it was a good feeling. Liking someone is kind of fun and... Blaine didn't think it was entirely out of the question that Kurt could or would one day feel similarly._

_The thought made Blaine dizzy. His heart whirred in his chest and he felt like his skin was buzzing in time with his music._

_Not knowing what to do with himself as he waited for a reply, he walked around his room, neatening his bed and putting away a few things. It gave his hands something to do but his brain was going crazy with every moment that passed without reply from Kurt._

_His phone buzzed and he mussed his bed all over again as he leapt across it to get at his phone._

You can't seriously be complaining about having lots of coffee, you drink that stuff like it's going out of style. And you know I'm always up for fashion-related talk, even if it's uniform. Wednesday sounds perfect – K

_Finishing the text Blaine flopped happily onto his bed, revelling in the light feeling in his chest. The song changed to something darker and Blaine frowned, the tone not suiting his current feelings at all._

_Suddenly he knew what he could do to keep his head from going over imagined conversations with Kurt all afternoon. He'd make him a mixtape._

[]

Blaine turned off the song, wincing as he remembered how he'd put it first on the tape he gave Kurt. All that hope he'd had had been put aside when Karofsky had kissed Kurt. Blaine had felt that taking Kurt's hand and looking him in the eyes and telling him "You're amazing, and you make me feel amazing, and I'm so glad you came and spied of the Warblers that day" and then kissing him probably wasn't what Kurt needed. Now, however, he wanted to kick himself. If he was to believe what Kurt had said about liking him when he'd first come to Dalton, then Blaine had had his chance and been stupid enough to not only opt for but _push_ for "just friends".

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><p><em><strong>AN: (again...) Going to be super subtle and say reviews are rad! Give me song suggestions! I mean... please give me song suggestions if you feel that way inclined that would be just splendid thank you endlessly. Chapter 7 should be up soon. **_


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: ****HI THERE HELLO WELCOME TO CHAPTER SEVEN OF MIXTAPES AND CHEERLEADERS A FIC ABOUT BLAINE LOVING KURT AND KURT BEING KINDA STUPID.**_

_**So I'm a little over-tired, I'll admit.**_

_**There's a long-ish text message conversation in this chapter, I hope it works okay :s ... let me know if the format is confusing, yeah?**_

_**Disclaimer: Anything you recognise isn't mine. I.e. Glee.**_

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><p>Rachel was in the middle of practicing her latest glee club number, hairbrush in hand and tears bubbling in her eyes, when there was an unexpected knock on her door and a creak as it opened.<p>

"Hey, Rachel?"

In the mirror she saw Blaine's reflected form standing in her doorway. She could tell he was dressed for his date tonight. Nothing too fancy but clearly meticulously put together. Clearing her throat and dabbing away a stray tear she turned around, meeting his gaze.

They hadn't spoken since the yesterday at the lockers and dinner the night before had been eerily quiet. Rachel kept her face stern as she regarded him but there was next to no anger or hurt left in her anymore. She'd had her heart broken before and knew what it looked like. It was kind of hard to be upset with Blaine when he walked around all day looking like _that_.

"Yes Blaine, what is it?"

He let out a breath as he clutched the door in one hand and his phone in the other. "I'm sorry about what I said yesterday. You know I don't think you're an idiot. You've had a lot more success in your relationship lately than I've ever had so..."

Putting her hairbrush down Rachel crossed the room to sit on the edge of her bed and patted the space next to her. She smiled as Blaine's whole body lightened at the invitation and he took the place beside her. "What's bothering you?" She asked at last.

Tracing the edges of his phone with a finger Blaine hesitated momentarily. "I got a text... from Kurt."

When he didn't continue she gave him an encouraging little push with her shoulder against his.

He tapped his phone and handed it to her. Taking it she saw what Kurt had said.

_Have fun tonight. Sebastian is lucky to have you. I'm even a little jealous you won't be alone like me this Valentine's Day._

…So apparently Kurt was very talented at not only singing but sending mixed messages, too. Rachel looked up to see Blaine looking at her worriedly, chewing his lip and making big sad puppy eyes at her. He didn't even mean to do it, Rachel knew. Unlike herself he didn't use his emotions to get things out of people. She smiled sadly.

"But what's that supposed to mean, '_Sebastian is lucky to have you_'? Like, 'screw you and that douche, you deserve each other'? Or is he just trying to be nice? Or..." Blaine trailed off.

"Or does he mean '_Sebastian is lucky to have this amazing boy I'm in love with'_?"

Blaine scrunched up his face at that and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. "I wish you wouldn't say that, Rach."

"What? You were thinking it. Otherwise you wouldn't have come to me with this text," pausing, she softened her tone, "Maybe Kurt doesn't even know exactly how he meant it, but it definitely isn't the first option."

"The '_screw you and that douche_' one?"

Rachel nodded. "Sebastian may be a douche but Kurt would never think ill of you."

"Hey, I'm about to go on a date with that 'douche'." Blaine protested, but he had clearly cheered up a bit, a playful smile tugging at his lips.

His phone chimed and he checked it, face becoming gloomy again. Seeing his sister's question look he said, "Just a text from Sebastian. But... how should I reply to Kurt?"

God, it was so obvious Blaine was still in love with her best friend. If Kurt didn't come to his senses soon she was going to have to invite him over for a movie night in which all the movies had a theme of two friends, one madly in love with the other, the other also madly in love with their friend but not quite aware of it until the last few minutes of the movie where there is a tense scene that ends in a beautiful kiss and a happily ever after.

"Thank him. That's all you need to do. Kurt's the one who's got to sort out his feelings."

Blaine looked at her nervously but tapped out _thank you_. He wanted to write something about Valentine's Day and how he would willingly spend it with him as his friend rather than Sebastian, but he didn't want to push. So he hit send.

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><p>Kurt is half asleep, head resting on his open homework, when he receives Blaine's reply. Sitting up and yawning, he read the brief reply and felt the sick feeling return to his stomach. He had panicked after sending his last text, worried about how honest he'd been yet how much he lied at the same time. He didn't really want Blaine to have fun with Sebastian. If he and Blaine became boyfriends, and himself and Blaine became friends again, no doubt Kurt would have to put up with Sebastian being around a lot and he really, honestly, <em>does not<em> like Sebastian.

But the meerkat-faced Warbler _was_ lucky. Blaine was nothing short of the kindest person he'd ever known – next to Burt, that was.

Then there was the last part of his text. He hadn't meant to sound like he was asking for pity, but as soon as Kurt had hit send he reread it and that was all he could see. And now he had this tiny little text back that could be genuinely thanking him or just being abrupt and dismissive. How was he supposed to tell with just two little words?

Sick of it, sick of everything, Kurt pushed away his homework and stood. He paced his room for a while before heading over to his cassette player and hitting play. Collapsing on his bed, Blaine's mixtape came on and Kurt closed his eyes. Somehow the music relaxed him like nothing else had in days and he finally felt like good, solid sleep would come if he gave it a chance, so he kicked off his jeans and wriggled out of his shirt with no care for where they landed and pulled the covers up over himself.

He was asleep by the third song.

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><p>When Blaine closes the door of his car he doesn't quite understand where the tears are coming from. He hadn't realised how incredibly tense he had been the whole date until now that it was over.<p>

He felt exhausted, as if he'd just ran a trillion miles or not slept in days. His muscles felt like jelly as he fumbled with his keys and screwed up his face in confusion at the tear rolling down his cheek.

_Pull yourself together, Blaine!_ He shouted at himself, trying to ignore the painful lump in his throat. _Why the hell are you crying? You've just been on a nice date with a guy who actually likes you,_ he told himself. Finally getting his key in the ignition he turned it. He sniffled and hiccuped the whole way home, and once there, raced to his room, fell into bed, pulled the covers over his head and cried.

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><p>Kurt awoke at 1 AM, groggy at the hour but warm from the deep sleep. The light in his room had been turned off and Kurt assumed his dad must have come to check on him at some point. Turning on his lamp he searched for the clothes he had tossed aside earlier and, finding them, proceeded to fold them and put them away. He changed in to his pyjamas then, not having had the energy to do so when he crawled into bed in the first place.<p>

He sat on the edge of his bed, knowing he should go back to sleep but his brain keeping him awake. And his heart. His heart felt weird these days. Either like there was a weight on it or an emptiness to it, he could never decide which. Kurt heaved a sigh and picked up his phone, checking for messages he knew wouldn't be there. Sure enough, the last message he'd received was that _thank you _from Blaine.

Blaine.

Whatever had happened to his best friend?

Maybe it was impulse, maybe it was the late hour doing strange things to his brain, maybe he was still half asleep – whatever the reason, Kurt didn't question himself too closely when he started typing out a message to Blaine.

_I miss you_

Kurt's thumb hesitated over the send button as he lay back onto his bed. He'd probably regret sending that in the morning but right now he didn't care at all. He just wanted his friend back. He wanted to be honest and open and actually _on speaking_ _terms_ with Blaine again.

Just as he hit send his phone vibrated in his hand, making him jump a little. A message flashed up on his screen.

_I miss you – B_

Kurt lay there, staring up at his phone, its white light washing the colour from his skin. He was stunned. He took a steadying breath and clutched the phone to his chest, feeling his heart beat rapidly under his hands.

He was just so _relieved_. Blaine hadn't meant that _'thank you' _text as dismissive or rude before – or if he had, it didn't mean he hated Kurt. He missed him. _He misses me_.

His phone buzzed in his hand.

_Did we just text each other at the same time? – B_

Kurt felt a little chuckle rising in his throat and thought _wow, laughter, that feels good_.

_At the same time, saying the same thing… great minds, hey? – K_

It gave him a nervous thrill to act familiar with Blaine again.

_Did you know they're rereleasing the Titanic in 3D? – B_

He felt as if the last few weeks had been a bad dream, and now he was awake. And now he had his best friend back. His best friend who swooned over a young Leonardo DiCaprio more than anyone else he knew.

_I don't even like the Titanic, Blaine – K_

_I know, but I do – B_

Kurt laughed softly, only to have the sound die abruptly in his throat. A thought occurred to him that broke the spell of the late hour, and he considered ignoring it… but his fingers were typing without his permission and he hit send before he could chicken out.

_Maybe Sebastian will go with you – K_

Suddenly Kurt panicked, quickly sending off another text.

_Not that I wouldn't go with you if you wanted :) – K_

And then –

_You two could go on Valentine's Day. Totally romantic – K_

He winced right after sending it at how he forced he seemed. How forced he _was_. He wanted Blaine to be happy, more than anything he wanted Blaine to be happy, but did he have to be happy with _Sebastian_?

Blaine was taking his time with replying and Kurt couldn't stay lying on his bed again longer. A sudden energy and alertness was coursing through him. He paced his room, waiting for a reply. What was Blaine doing up at this hour anyway? What had happened with Sebastian?

_I don't think so – B_

Kurt wasn't sure why that made him feel vaguely sick.

_Why not? How did the date go? - K_

He hoped he sounded less panicked than he felt.

_Fine. – B_

_He talked a lot – B_

_I didn't like it when he kissed me – B_

Okay, now Kurt felt really sick. His hairs were standing on end as he starred at his phone, gripping it tightly.

_Not that it wasn't without consent, don't worry! – B_

Kurt flopped back onto his bed, legs wobbly. He swallowed and forced his fingers to move.

_Crap. I'm sorry. Are you okay? – K_

_Yeah, I guess – B_

_What does that mean? – K_

Minutes began to drag on without a response. Kurt lay on his bed, staring at the clock.

He was tempted to throw on a jacket and run to Blaine's house, climb up the tree outside his room, tap on the window until Blaine let him in, hug him and hold him until he told him exactly what was wrong. And then he'd make it better, somehow.

_I miss you – B_

Kurt read the text and let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding. He felt the anxiety melt away until all he was left with was the feeling of being wanted by someone. Being wanted by _Blaine_. Being missed. Being thought of. Being _wanted_.

He felt a little dizzy.

_I miss you, too – K_

It was weird how, having already admitted it to each other, this repetition of confessions felt no less important. Kurt wanted to convey that he knew exactly what Blaine meant. Every time someone had asked Kurt 'how are you?' in the last few weeks he always answered with a lie. He wasn't good, he wasn't okay, and he wasn't fine. His best friend had told him he loved him and he had run away, he had freaked out, and a great big void had opened up between them, seemingly impossible to cross. Unless it was one in the morning, the night making them feel not so far away and giving them courage.

_We should bake something – B_

Kurt smiled. There he was, that was his best friend. Not far away at all.

_You mean I should bake something and let you eat half the batter? – K_

_Yeah, that :) – B_

Kurt let the familiar banter wash over him and he lay back on his pillows, suddenly sleepy again. He'd forgotten he didn't have to think with Blaine, he could just be.

_I would love to. Come over to mine sometime? That way no Rachel – K_

_It does mean Finn though – B_

_Finn doesn't crash our hang outs though – K_

_But he'll eat my batter! – B_

_Oh my god, you just made that dirty in your head, didn't you? – B_

_Maybe… – K_

Kurt laughed into his pillow, the warmth of the act spreading through his body like sickness that felt really, really good. A sickness that healed him, and filled in the gaps and cracks that had him feeling raw these days.

_That's so gross – B_

_Don't worry, I'll tell Finn he's not getting any of your batter – K_

_Stop laughing at me :( - B_

_Your BATTER, thought! – K_

_Shut up – B_

_I really did miss you – K_

_Hmph, well, we'll see if you take that back once I'm done in your kitchen. I sense a food fight coming on – B_

_With the batter? – K_

_Oh my god. You suck. I'm going to sleep now – B_

_Goodnight, Blaine, I'll see you tomorrow – K_

_Sweet dreams, Kurt – B_

Kurt put the phone on his nightstand and glanced at the clock. 1:45 AM. _Really? That went fast_, he thought, turning off his lamp.

Tomorrow he would see Blaine in the halls and he'd smile, maybe even go up to him and say hello. Maybe they'd have lunch together. Maybe they'd hug at the end of the day. "That would be awesome," Kurt said sleepily into his dark room.

Maybe they could be best friends again.

"That might require me to stop liking how he smells so much, though."

Kurt screwed up his brow, wondering where that confession had come from. He didn't think about it for long though, sleep soon claiming him, and with it sweet dreams, just as Blaine had promised.

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><p><em><strong>AN: Thank you for reading! That was pretty cool of you. Cheers :).**_

_**P.S. Ummm, should I beg for song recs? Is that what I should do? I'm not sure, sounds like it could get ugly... **_


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